The Sure Hire Interview: A skit

Scene 1 opens in a business office. A female receptionist sits at the front desk politely speaking with a client over the phone.

Receptionist: Sure, I can direct you to our offices. What direction are you coming from?

In walks Nancy up to the front desk. “Hey. I’m here for an interview.”

The receptionist whispers : Good morning. Would you sign in for me please?

Nancy speaking loudly: What?! I can’t hear you. Do you have a cold or something?

Receptionist speaks to the person on the phone: Mr. Waterson, could I place you on hold for one moment. Thank you sir.

Now to Nancy: Yes, you have an interview?

Nancy: Yes.

Receptionist: Alright. I’ll sign you in. What is your name?

Nancy: You want me to work for you and you don’t even know my name?

Receptionist smiles: I’m sorry but there are quite a few candidates here for the position and it’s hard to keep up with everyone’s name.

Nancy turns to eyeball the competition then turns back to the receptionist snapping her fingers: Nancy Bloom. Let’s go.

Receptionist: Okay. Your all signed in. You may have a seat and someone will be with you shortly.

Nancy: How long is shortly? What’s my wait time gonna be?

Receptionist: Maybe about ten minutes. Can I get you anything while you wait, a newspaper or magazine?

Nancy twirls her hair and stares at the receptionist a moment without answering, and then takes her seat.

 

Scene 2 opens inside the office of Interviewer 1. The first interviewer is female.

Interviewer 1: Thank you for waiting Ms. Bloom. Tell me a little bit about yourself.

Nancy: Well, I dropped out of college for no good reason. I moved back in with my Ma. Now I have to get a job so I can get outta there. Besides that, I have tons of style and business savvy. I’m also a real people person. You should see how many friends I have on social media.

Interviewer 1: Great. We’re looking for people persons. Now, where do you see yourself in the next 5yrs?

Nancy: Oh I don’t plan. I never know where I’m going to be next. Can’t you tell by my resume? I move around a lot.

Interviewer 1: Great. We need someone with experience. We are very busy and have no time to train and really invest in our workers, so you are on the right track. Alright, last question, what are your strengths?

Nancy: My greatest strength is that I am completely moldable. I have no unique personality. I fit in with the crowd you know. In fact, me and the self-checkout units have a lot in common.

Interviewer 1: Well, Ms. Bloom, I am very impressed. I’d like to set you up with a second interview in a few weeks. Then there will be a 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th interview after that.

Nancy says with a slight chuckle: Wait, I don’t have time for all of that. I mean it’s not like I’m trying to be President. If I need a job now, what makes you think I have the funds to waste traveling around for more than one interview? I mean…what sense does that make?

Interviewer 2:  Awesome. We need someone who can contribute ideas. Wait here and I will get my supervisor.

 

Scene 3 opens with a Interviewer 2, a male sitting to talk with Nancy: Ms. Bloom, I’ve heard a lot about you.

Nancy: Don’t believe everything you read on social media. My neighbor just doesn’t like me.

Interviewer 2: People of your skill are going to have issues with others. Don’t worry about that. Let’s get right into it. Are you able to work any shift assigned to you?

Nancy: Yes. I mean…I have kids, but the working class needs to make a choice between raising kids and paying the bills. It’s an easy decision for me. The kids can figure things out on their own.

Nancy chuckles again: I’ll leave ‘em some noodles. They know how to work the microwave.

Interviewer 2: Great. We need people who can work flexible schedules so we don’t have to. Now tell me, why do you want to work here?

Nancy: Because I need the money. Why else would I apply for a job?

Interviewer 2: I’m sorry Ms. Bloom, but I can’t accept the truth for an answer to that question.

Nancy sits up straight: Oh ok. Well, I admire that the company donates 1cent of every million dollars made to charity. And my ultimate goal is to work hard so that you can own a mansion in Beverly Hills, a dozen beach front homes, an island and then send your great grandkids to college while I struggle to pay rent for a two bedroom apartment.

Interviewer 2 stands up and reaches out to shake Nancy’s hand: You’re hired. I’ll walk you outside.

Nancy: Good. Now if you just get rid of that rude receptionist you’d be ok.

 

Interviewer 2 walks Nancy to the front door past the receptionist desk: I look forward to working with you Ms. Bloom.

Nancy exits.

Interviewer 2 turns around, straightens his tie then looks to the receptionist: By the way, you’re fired.

 

This was my very first skit/play. I am positive it isn’t in the right format BUT IT WAS SO MUCH FUN TO CREATE. Feel free to leave some constructive criticism in the comment box.

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